"Crazy Sorrow" Part III

I went to Buddhist practice this morning. The center is practically empty during weekdays. So, the parking lot is invaded by some home-less people. One of them acted like the "crazy" man that I mentioned earlier. She just kept on murmuring her arguments with some imaginary figure. She reminded me of the Village Idiot in the parking lot of Cinema Paradiso.

"Crazy Sorrow" Part II

I think the past events haunted me is actually my sorrow. I twisted it by insisting of being treated unfairly. I revisited the events frequently and acted like the crazy men that I had mentioned. My adrenaline came up and it refueled the next re-run of my sorrow. I guess that is what "Dukka" (suffering) all about. The "unsatisfaction" drove my crazy sorrow.

I decided to call my friend today and deliver a apology of my previous behavior. I am not sure we could be friends anymore but my "crazy sorrow" is somewhat relived by talking about it. I guess I must have had lots of affection to her that I repeated the arguments several years ago.

There are other "sorrow" that I couldn't call to resolve. There are sorrows about being lied to repeatedly.  There are sorrows about being extremely rude. It is not about being right or wrong but about ceasing to play a drama in my head again.

Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow

I've observed a man in a Starbucks a week ago. He seemed to carry a lot of anger and just kept on channeling the anger by repeating his arguments out loud. Everybody else might easily labelled him as crazy.

However, when I think of my past, my sorrow and anger towards some past events will come up from time to time. I wish I could do better but the difference between me and him is that I could hide it a bit better by not playing a drama in front of the others. However, these arguments have been played many times in last two years. I suppose if someone can read my mind, I will be considered as "crazy" too.

He must have gone through a lot of hardship. While I have my sympathy, I also realized I lack sympathy to myself. I guess that is why a wise man would ask you to stop making up story in your head. The Buddha would say we couldn't stop this but we could aware this. Once we aware, it would be the first most important step to find a solution, wouldn't it?

 I came across a cover of a song, Mr. Tambourine Man, a few days ago. I fell in love with the singer's voice. But when I explore the lyrics, the talk about the sorrow touched me:

Then take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind
Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves
The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach
Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow

My "crazy sorrow" has twisted my memory of the past. I wish to have good terms with old friends but some promise becomes a reason of sorrow. So, I twisted the paramita of patience and persistence to an excuse. I wish I could do it better.

Eczema

Recently, I saw this news about an eczema girl killed her parents, whom she inherited the eczema from, and herself. I imagined by being a girl, she must have lots of suffering by growing up. The life is full of mishaps for many. I especially see people whom might have conditions in day time in coffee shop. They don't have any other place to hang out. The Buddha himself decided to find out a solution after seeing old and disease. I know people can deal with a lot of mishaps themselves but couldn't deal with comparison with other people. The accusation levied by the girl to her parents is especially heart-broken. I know that I am not enlightened but is there a way to help them?

Pure

When I was in the Buddhist gathering last night, I made a comment about someone being a pure American for not following the recent soccer events. It struck me that people around had some emotions about pure. It might be related to some recent ethic issues in US that ticked off all us. But I was referring to pure American culture instead of race. It seems that US is not really with the world for its soccer fever. I know that I always get into trouble with my comments. Hopefully, I should be more careful in wording.

As I wrote in earlier post, I am getting more to think events in life are convoluted together. I recently made a gentleman, whom we discussed a bit about history and politics. I mentioned White Man's Burden to lament the chaos of Iran in recent decades and my friend could immediately identified Rudyard Kipling, the author of the poem. Not to mention about the imperialism, the "White Man" idea is probably a pretty racist stand. I never really talked about Kipling and racism to anybody before. Then, within the same week, I got into a racist discussion in a Buddhist gathering.

山口百惠

After Kaze, I have to write about 山口百惠, I am not a fan of her but I know so many Hongkonger are her fans, even after all these years. I didn't see any of her movies/TV series except 《霧之旗》. The most famous one, though, is 赤的疑惑, which the famous Hong Kong singer, 梅艷芳, adapted its theme song into Chinese and became a hit in Canto-pop.

The reason I watched  《霧之旗》is, certainly, because of 松本清張. I am always a fan of mystery novel. His approach of having social criticism trail-blazed a new direction of mystery novel back then. I especially like his 点と線.

Kaze 風

I don't know why a Japanese song used Hong Kong as the background but anyway, this is one is a classic.

Words by: 北山修 Kitayama Osamu
Music by: 端田 宣彦 Hashida Norihiko

A detail page for translation is in here.What a sad song and yet, so mature!


Here is another version:

I think he is the same guy but in a more recent redition:

太匆匆

今天看到陶傑以林花謝了春紅為題的文章,似是一悼文.莽猜是作家林燕妮,搜尋一下,原來已先於六月一日逝世.題目有"林花謝了",又扣上"太匆匆"這後三字,不少婉惜之意.文中那影射時局,郤不想多提及.但插圖照片中那髮式郤引起我的注意,作天剛好在咖啡店也看到一西方女子有同一髮式,懷舊含蓄之美飄飄然而至.郤說文中那沒落文化,似乎不是香港而己,就以流行曲為例,昨天看到一Video,那講者提到今天因為有太多音樂選擇,若不喜開曲,馬上Skip.大家沒有耐心細聽每一首曲,嘗那樂章之美.那往時的精緻樂曲,今天不可見.

或許有太多選擇就不可細看眼前,古德不是也叫大家一門深入嗎?

Can I offer you a bottle of water?

I was in Costco earlier and when I left, an older lady called out for me. She spoke intermediate English and she needed to call her son for help. So, we made the call after a few struggling in pressing correct phone number. I asked if I could call 911 since even though she looked alright, she might be a bit weaker by her weight and age. She said she was alright and thanked me.

Not really a major episode but after I left, I felt that I could be further help by offering her a bottle of water. It was a warmer day in my city.

We all regret something we could have done a bit better but when in the situation, I lose my mind mind and not to know what do do. We could argue that there was no need for anything else but I think paramitas are perfections. So,  we have to be perfect. Also, I guess it is a practice of calmness and awareness. Therefore, I wrote this as my own reminder not because it was a major issue but because perfection needs to attend the small little details too.

Dedicatory Verse of Mūlamadhyamakakārikā

For some reason, I keep on remembering a recent dinner when I was asked to discuss many aspects of Chinese language to an English speaker. I feel lacking that I talked about the introduction but not the most beautiful part, IMHO: the poetic nature. A single syllable language, I supposed, could be made to rhythm in each sentence. I don't find it possible to do so in, e.g., English.

I could list many many great Tang dynasty poems in here but just an example of the Dedicatory Verse of Mūlamadhyamakakārikā could illustrate the idea.

In English:
I salute the Fully Enlightened One, the best of orators,
who taught the doctrine of dependent origination,
according to which there is
neither cessation nor origination,
neither annihilation nor the eternal,
neither singularity nor plurality,
neither the coming nor the going [of any dharma, for the purpose of nirvāṇa characterized by]
the auspicious cessation of hypostatization.

In Chinese:
不生亦不滅　　不常亦不斷
不一亦不異　　不來亦不出
能說是因緣　　善滅諸戲論
我稽首禮佛　　諸說中第一

There are 3 syllables in cessation and 5 in origination but 生 and 滅, respectively, have 1. So, the translation could be much more organized and rhythm.

Not recoginzing the non-recoginzing mind

In the Buddhist class tonight, we had some discussion about the topic. I think it is the key to a practitioners, on their path, to realize this idea.

When I arrived home, the usual browsing led me to this page. I would like to share this poetry:

Waking from a crazy dream,
a dream that feels rich with meaning,
one might be inclined to analyze.

Thus books are sold,
experts paid.
Years later, the old dream returns,
but now, penniless, one just
washes his face,
sips her tea,
stretches
and gets on with the day.

Both ideas match each other, don't they?

An excerpt from a book

I have read so many analysis of phonomenal, but this excerpt from a book is exactly what we would say, taking it literally:

In a number of suttas,2 it says the Buddha, on the night of his awakening, after
moving through the four jhānas, spent the first watch of the night remembering
his previous births as described in this power. Because India is near the equator,
a night there is about 12 hours long all year round. Since there are three watches
of the night, the length of each watch is about four hours. If we “do the math”
and compute how long the Buddha-to-be had to remember each of a hundred
thousand births, it comes to one-seventh of a second.d He had to remember eight
things about each birth in one-seventh of a second and repeat that in the next
one-seventh of a second and so on nonstop for four hours. The human mind can
only process at most about 40 conscious moments per second.3 If he had to know
eight pieces of information in one-seventh of a second, that’s 56 conscious
moments per second—and we haven’t even addressed the “many aeons,”
whatever that number might be. And you can’t say, “He’s the Buddha!” because
that won’t happen for another four to eight hours. So it seems we cannot take the
description of remembering past lives literally, at least for the Buddha on the
night of his awakening.

Yes, the analysis is really detail. I wonder if it is necessary though since whether it is one watch or two watches is not important but that the Buddha saw through his previous life. 

Disillusion

I somehow write more blog this year. I guess I realized some more. My friend told me about his brother getting discourage in Buddhism many years ago. She didn't want to go into details. And I just put it deep down in my "alaya". Recently, I read some comments on my friend brother's master in some public internet forum. They said the master Wong accepted many students but never really taught. Most of the teaching were from senior students. Also, he never really knew Tibetan but just copied a translation from an existing English translation and declared he translated it directly from Tibetan.

The clues matched my friend's scant description about my friend's brother "disillusion". However, my friend and I are getting farther apart and we couldn't talk about it again.

In Buddhist precepts, there are rules about not to lie and steal. They must know that they violated the precepts. As a master, by knowingly having the offense, I am concerned their karma by hindering other's "wisdom" life. Some thinks it is serious

Cult

In Varjayana Buddhism, I have heard many abuses. In https://buddhism-controversy-blog.com/, the editor has posted many interesting articles on this issue. In this article, the author was expecting some criticism of Rigpa/Dalai Lama but felt DKR shrugged his shoulder. However, I would like discuss DKR's other point on cult & mahayana. In mahayana, people are supposed to have compassion to everybody, including your enemy. If one doesn't follow the book, then, it becomes a cult. Simple. I learned from this blog some other teachers didn't like Islam though I know many people from this center. So, I realize DKR's judgement is precise because this center followers is much more enthusiastic than the one I always go to. Compassion to everybody is difficult and I dare not say I am at that level. However, know exactly your position and what to work with rather resorting to dislike should clean up my confusion on this point.

Science and Civilisation in China: Volume 7, the Social Background, Part 1, Language and Logic in Traditional China by Christoph Harbsmeier
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I am not a professional historian but I've heard the famous "Science and Civilisation in China" series since many years ago. Only recently that I need to cross read some Buddhist book that I found out Volume 7's introduction to Buddhist logic. I am not sure if I can find a better introduction (Chinese Buddhist logic in particular and Indian Buddhist logic on a whole) in any book anywhere. Though one can read the Yogacarabhumisastra and its available translations/commentaries for the logic, one couldn't find a better summary than what was written in here. The standard set by the author makes me want to buy the whole book series and read them. The only regret is their lofty price (~ $250 each).

View all my reviews

A Random Coincidence 2

When I left the gathering yesterday (5/9) night and prepared to drive home , the tune "The Girl with Flaxen Hair" came up again. I don't consider it a "Trend" since I was thinking about the popping-up of the tune while I was in the parking lot last time. It should be more like a co-incidence than a trend...

The reason I write about this topic again is that I questions more about my modelling of the world. In MulaMadhyamakaKarika (MMK), our reasoning about time/cause and effect are all challenged. If we follow the arguments, things just happen and we used our "flawed" reason to justify our way. I.e. there is some fruits on the tree, we tend conclude that someone planted a tree and irrigated it. The reasoning is a forward-going time line. What if the time line is not really forward-going? What if, on the contrary, somehow, it is determined that there needs to have a fruit tree? So, a couple of months before it, someone planted a tree there. What if, the these events popped-up in a predetermined way and we just used our reason to connect time?

Our perception of the world is based on our eight consciousnesses but what if our consciousnesses is flawed? There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

L'Existence Precede L'Essence

During a weekly Buddhist gathering, our teacher taught about 12 links of dependent origination several months ago. One of the attendees asked why ignorance was before birth, for, it should be the reverse. I don't remember the teacher's answer and I think I don't like it since the question still stays with me but not the answer. I wanted to discuss further with the attendee but I haven't seen her in the class for a while. Even though she might forget her question already, I remember it and would like to write down before I forget.

Most of the them, for a being, we think we can adapt to changes. Therefore, there is a French saying: L'EXISTENCE PRECEDE L'ESSENCE. So, there is a body (a "brith") before it can become "ignorant". However, in Buddhist world, from an Indian tradition, people believe in reincarnation. There is a consciousness (or mind stream), which can enter the embryo, before someone can be born. Also, the 12 links should be seen as a cycle instead of a straight process where "birth" could appear "ignorance", depending on how one sees it.

Another explanation is that "birth" in here is not about body but about "consciousness" that re-affirm oneself. We do have sense faculty that sample the world. However, how does this sense faculty become an inborn sense/security that one feels the existence of oneself? So, the 12 links of dependent origination talks about this process. Therefore, this cycle happens in a fraction of second time. That is how some saying about life's existence in a matter of breathing.

I am not sure which explanation above is right. Maybe they are both right and talk about the same thing. I can only write it down now and hope to reflect on it later.

A Random Coincidence

I went to a Buddhist banquet on Chinese New Year Eve earlier this year on 2/14. Many enjoyed the V day with their love ones while I engaged in conversion with friends. I filled the conversation gap with browsing the Winter Olympics. I noticed Mikaela Shiffrin's success and texted my ski friend. After that, I began to hum a tune out of nowhere. I must have persistently humming it for an hour and felt quite strange. After the banquet, while I was walking to the parking lot, I suddenly realized that the tune was "The Girl with Flaxen Hair" by Claude Debussy. My ski friend do have flaxen hair and is a half-French. I was impressed by my mind's pick (if not so random) which fits the event.

Last night, 4/25, I met my ski friend again in a gathering. When I chose my playlist in my car when going home, I was so sure that I clicked the Caprice by Rachmaninoff but must have accidentally clicked one below it, which is "The Girl with Flaxen Hair", didn't even know it was in the list at all. I was all giggling about the coincidence while waving my ski friend goodbye.

I wrote the event in here since as I grow, I begin to wonder the cause and effect in a Buddhist term is more about events that appear in concordant rather than direct reason that we attribute by our logical mind. I must have read too many Madhyamaka book since I tend to not to believe in coincidence as much as I did because God doesn't roll a dice? My journey into Green Tara practice and Kagyu school are also more like pre-set events, about which I should write later, than by a dice-rolling.

They said: "Once is a fluke. Twice is a coincidence. Three times is a trend." Let's see if it is a trend.

Some Soundtracks that I Love

Cinema Paradiso

Local Hero

Montaigne

The great French writer Montaigne is probably the model life that many people yearn for in his little castle in France. I came across some of his quotes recently:

Lend yourself to others, but give yourself to yourself.

A man who fears suffering is already suffering from what he fears.

He who establishes his argument by noise and command shows that his reason is weak.

How many things we held yesterday as articles of faith which today we tell as fables.

Wit is a dangerous weapon, even to the possessor, if he knows not how to use it discreetly.

Those who have compared our life to a dream were right... we were sleeping wake, and waking sleep.

Lend yourself to others, but give yourself to yourself.
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/michel_de_montaigne