"Crazy Sorrow" Part III

I went to Buddhist practice this morning. The center is practically empty during weekdays. So, the parking lot is invaded by some home-less people. One of them acted like the "crazy" man that I mentioned earlier. She just kept on murmuring her arguments with some imaginary figure. She reminded me of the Village Idiot in the parking lot of Cinema Paradiso.

"Crazy Sorrow" Part II

I think the past events haunted me is actually my sorrow. I twisted it by insisting of being treated unfairly. I revisited the events frequently and acted like the crazy men that I had mentioned. My adrenaline came up and it refueled the next re-run of my sorrow. I guess that is what "Dukka" (suffering) all about. The "unsatisfaction" drove my crazy sorrow.

I decided to call my friend today and deliver a apology of my previous behavior. I am not sure we could be friends anymore but my "crazy sorrow" is somewhat relived by talking about it. I guess I must have had lots of affection to her that I repeated the arguments several years ago.

There are other "sorrow" that I couldn't call to resolve. There are sorrows about being lied to repeatedly.  There are sorrows about being extremely rude. It is not about being right or wrong but about ceasing to play a drama in my head again.

Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow

I've observed a man in a Starbucks a week ago. He seemed to carry a lot of anger and just kept on channeling the anger by repeating his arguments out loud. Everybody else might easily labelled him as crazy.

However, when I think of my past, my sorrow and anger towards some past events will come up from time to time. I wish I could do better but the difference between me and him is that I could hide it a bit better by not playing a drama in front of the others. However, these arguments have been played many times in last two years. I suppose if someone can read my mind, I will be considered as "crazy" too.

He must have gone through a lot of hardship. While I have my sympathy, I also realized I lack sympathy to myself. I guess that is why a wise man would ask you to stop making up story in your head. The Buddha would say we couldn't stop this but we could aware this. Once we aware, it would be the first most important step to find a solution, wouldn't it?

 I came across a cover of a song, Mr. Tambourine Man, a few days ago. I fell in love with the singer's voice. But when I explore the lyrics, the talk about the sorrow touched me:

Then take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind
Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves
The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach
Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow

My "crazy sorrow" has twisted my memory of the past. I wish to have good terms with old friends but some promise becomes a reason of sorrow. So, I twisted the paramita of patience and persistence to an excuse. I wish I could do it better.

Eczema

Recently, I saw this news about an eczema girl killed her parents, whom she inherited the eczema from, and herself. I imagined by being a girl, she must have lots of suffering by growing up. The life is full of mishaps for many. I especially see people whom might have conditions in day time in coffee shop. They don't have any other place to hang out. The Buddha himself decided to find out a solution after seeing old and disease. I know people can deal with a lot of mishaps themselves but couldn't deal with comparison with other people. The accusation levied by the girl to her parents is especially heart-broken. I know that I am not enlightened but is there a way to help them?

Pure

When I was in the Buddhist gathering last night, I made a comment about someone being a pure American for not following the recent soccer events. It struck me that people around had some emotions about pure. It might be related to some recent ethic issues in US that ticked off all us. But I was referring to pure American culture instead of race. It seems that US is not really with the world for its soccer fever. I know that I always get into trouble with my comments. Hopefully, I should be more careful in wording.

As I wrote in earlier post, I am getting more to think events in life are convoluted together. I recently made a gentleman, whom we discussed a bit about history and politics. I mentioned White Man's Burden to lament the chaos of Iran in recent decades and my friend could immediately identified Rudyard Kipling, the author of the poem. Not to mention about the imperialism, the "White Man" idea is probably a pretty racist stand. I never really talked about Kipling and racism to anybody before. Then, within the same week, I got into a racist discussion in a Buddhist gathering.

山口百惠

After Kaze, I have to write about 山口百惠, I am not a fan of her but I know so many Hongkonger are her fans, even after all these years. I didn't see any of her movies/TV series except 《霧之旗》. The most famous one, though, is 赤的疑惑, which the famous Hong Kong singer, 梅艷芳, adapted its theme song into Chinese and became a hit in Canto-pop.

The reason I watched  《霧之旗》is, certainly, because of 松本清張. I am always a fan of mystery novel. His approach of having social criticism trail-blazed a new direction of mystery novel back then. I especially like his 点と線.

Kaze 風

I don't know why a Japanese song used Hong Kong as the background but anyway, this is one is a classic.

Words by: 北山修 Kitayama Osamu
Music by: 端田 宣彦 Hashida Norihiko

A detail page for translation is in here.What a sad song and yet, so mature!


Here is another version:

I think he is the same guy but in a more recent redition: